pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't
seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What d'ya mean, ya scurvy nave?" said the pirate. "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we was in a battle and I got hit with a cannonball, but
I'm fine now."
"OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
"We was in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword
fight. Me right 'and was cut off. I got fitted with a hook.
I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over.
I looked up, and one of 'em pooped in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an
eye just from some bird poop."
It were me first day with the 'ook."